I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
