Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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