Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
jump out the window naked night went bad
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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