Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
