im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
