It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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