he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
