She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
