Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
