Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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