One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
