Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
