Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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