Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
