i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
