RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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