So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
