My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
