And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
