my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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