I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
