Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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