she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
