Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Please, let me fuck your mom
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
