just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The power of my boobs compel you
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
