He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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