Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
