she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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