My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
