I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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