she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
