Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
