Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
