just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
