i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
