I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
