Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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