I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
