People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
