Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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