if you like me you must not know who I am
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
