Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
