Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
