So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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