have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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