Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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