you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
