come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
