Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't put those talents on a resume
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
