I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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