My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do vagina's smell?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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